


Unbalanced heart

by MilernaFurey



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-15 04:38:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5771629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MilernaFurey/pseuds/MilernaFurey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders finds the woman that haunts him in his safe place, and he tries to voice his feelings, but is interrupted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unbalanced heart

**Author's Note:**

> This a work for the group "Anders' Kittens". It has more angst than originally intended. My wonderful Beta, Nerdy_Skirt deserves all the love.  
> Enjoy!

The moon was shining brightly over the Healer's head as he stared at the infinite ebb and flow of the Waking Sea, inhaling the salty air with a smile on his thin lips. He loved those stolen moments of peace he could find gazing at the inmensity of the sea. The moon and stars seemed to be more bright in their watery reflection. He had chosen that spot all those months ago because not even the sailors came there, it was dark and shadows danced around the only torch he lit with a flick of his wrist everytime he got there. That place even made Justice to remain silent inside of him, so Anders tried as often as he could to visit The Docks. Luckily, none of his friends seemed to have noticed where he escaped to when he needed to catch his breath. Pleasant memories of his time in Amaranthine formed in the back of his mind but with a loud gasp, he realised those memories and sensation weren't his. They were Justice's. He felt the cold fingers of fear gripping his heart and lowered his head. How much was he losing? How much of him was getting lost in Justice?

"Copper for your thoughts" a sweet voice, almost laced with a soft tune made him straighten his back. He could recognize it anywhere, but what he couldn't understood was why it and its owner were there.

"Bethany? What are you doing here?" he asked, his amber orbs gazing upon the mage that was still walking towards him. Her hourglass figure barely covered with a cloak that was supposed to disguise her identity. She was wearing a hood over her raven black hair and under the torch's light, only her plump lips were noticeable. He felt Justice stirring pleasantly inside of him and he wanted to kick himself.

"That's what I wasted a copper on?" she chirped out and reached his side, lowering the hood and smiling brightly at him. Justice stirred again at the sight of her face and Anders' heart skipped a beat. He had seen many beautiful women in his life but none of them was as relucent or magnificent as Bethany Hawke. And yet, she stood for everything he loathed. As Garrett told him, she was actually enjoying her time at the Circle, and that made his blood boil. As if she were a dove that loved the gilded cage it was in. He could see a glimpse of her Circle Robes underneath the cloak and cursed mentally.

"I had no idea Orsino would let you out, especially not at night" he said and casually leaned his back against a wall, as she clicked her tongue and licked her rosy bottom lip. An action he found himself mirroring almost as if his tongue was acting on its own volition.

"Being an Enchanter and the baby sister of the Champion has its perks" she said and leaned next to him, their legs almost touching "I am here to visit...someone" she said and a small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, making her lips twist in what he decided was his favourite expression.

Was she referring to him? The question left unspoken and Justice was practically clawing at the edges of the healer's mind, trying to take over. Images of a sunflower field, a woman's laughter and Bethany's smile filled his mind and he realised it was his memories and Justice's meshed together in order to express the same thing: their fascination with the young mage.

"Not many people know this spot" he said and fought the urgency to brush a lock of her hair behind her hear. Her hair was moving from time to time, the sea air making the tunics dance between their ankles.

"That is why it is such a good place" she said and he could feel her magic surfacing even for a minute, warming the air between them and his own energy surfaced too. They were in tune, they had always been, specially since he had taught her how to heal all those years ago. Ah, but she was an eager student, he remembered with a small smile on his lips. He would never forget the way she smiled when she healed her first patient. The memory of the scene played in the back of his mind and he saw her excited, almost clapping when the wound on the guardsman's leg succesfully closed, and in that moment, the young mage threw herself into his arms, in an embrace that would forever haunt him. He could still feel the warmth of her skin, the soft scent of oranges that was unique to her and just how good her figure felt pressed against his body.

"Anders..." her voice brought him back to the present and he looked at her, and in that moment he wished she could have stayed like the girl in his Clinic, and not this...Circle Mage. The mere words made him sigh heavily.

"Bethany, are you happy?" he asked, almost barking the words and his hand taking hers following an impulse. Justice was so aware of this touch that his magic was suddenly flaring alive. Her beautiful amber orbs blinked fast like the wings of a hummingbird and she nodded.

"I...am" she said, her voice a mere gossamer and he swallowed hard. What was he expecting? That she would just say that he was right, that the mages were prisoners in Ivory Towers? Was he truly expecting her to beg him to rescue her?

"Listen, Beth..." he started and licked his lips, as if moving his tongue would suddenly create and summon the words he needed to say, the words he should have said years ago. The need to say them grew insistant in his blood, and suddenly all he could think about were not words but actions. He found himself leaning down over her face, her sweet scent brushing against his face and he smiled. Pears, she had been eating pears, her favourite fruit, as he recalled. Maker, but she was not retreating and mere inches stood between them. It could be so easy, so damn easy to just kiss her and ask her to run away, to join the Mage Underground. To be free with him at her side. He could feel Justice agreeing, and his infatuation for the young mage only grew stronger.

Pears became his favourite fruit in that very moment.

"Bethany?" a heavily accented voice reached them and he froze in place, Justice quickly retreating to the darkest corner of his mind, hissing and cursing like a beast. Bethany gasped and gently let go of his hand, backing a few steps and licking her lips. The spell that moments ago seemed to appear in her eyes, reflecting his own, vanished in the air. It was so sudden, that he wondered if it truly happened. The spirit inside of him confirmed that it had happened, with a voice that rumbled inside his brain, threatening to turn it into a mash of flesh.

"Sebastian, over here" she chirped, and turned around, and Maker's Breath but he wasn'pt imagining the blush across her cheeks. He felt like a fool, of course the Prince was that someone she was waiting. Anger surged through him and he took one, two, three ragged breaths to still himself. As Bethany, the Prince was also cloaked but his hood was down, revealing his regal features and Anders could feel his cornflower eyes examining him. He gritted his teeth and tried to calm the also raging spirit inside of him. He shifted from foot to foot as Sebastian approached them, and once he was close enough, he snaked a hand over Bethany's shapely waist, pulling her closer.

Maker, it was as if he was trying to mark his territory. Anders squared his shoulders and nodded, locking his amber orbs with the royal ones "See that no harm comes to her. These are indeed very dark, dark times" he said with a voice that sounded alien, and he wondered briefly if Justice had slipped through his words. He probably had.

Bethany opened and closed her mouth, her eyes swimming with questions, but Sebastian pulled her flush against his side and she seemed to understand that it wasn't the time nor the place to ask anything.

"I will protect her with my life if I have to" the Prince spoke and Anders noticed just how thick his accent was in that moment. Anders nodded and the couple started to move away from him, making their way to the inner docks. He could hear hushed whispers and suddenly, they came to a halt and Bethany looked at him over her shoulder.

"Goodbye Anders, Maker be with you" she said, her soft voice sending shivers down his spine. He nodded and mumbled the correct answer as he licked his lips, his eyes locked in her frame as she walked away in the arms of a man he could never emulate. He felt a hard pang of regret in his heart and he wondered if he could have been the one with his arm around her, if he had been brave enough all those years ago. Maybe he could have kept her safe, maybe he could...he groaned and lowered his head, pinching the bridge of his nose as he inhaled deeply.

Justice remained silent and he nodded, making his way to the Chantry, the weight of the dangerous package between his robes growing heavier by the second. As he approached the building, he summoned Bethany's eyes for one last time. It hurt.

It had to be done. 

There could be no peace, nor love for him.


End file.
